Blame the Parents: Junior needs a Spanking

Have you seen the current whirlwind over at Creating Passionate Users? Kathy Sierra writes CPU and I drop in from time to time since 1) it's a girl writing about tech and 2) it's interesting, well written and entertaining. Yesterday's post, however, is not entertaining or interesting. It's horrifying.

Kathy writes:

"I have canceled all speaking engagements.

I am afraid to leave my yard.

I will never feel the same. I will never be the same."

If you've ever been a frequenter of any forum, you've undoubtedly come across a troll or two. Most of the time these trolls are harmless, flinging about rude names at random posters and offering anything but intelligent discussion, usually in anonymity. The things that have been posted about and toward Kathy run so far out of the realm of trolling that I cannot find an internet epithet capable of describing it, so I'll have to use one from the real world: criminal assault. If you really need the gorier details of what was said and done, please follow the link at the beginning of this post.

After reading the post myself, my immediate impression of the person(s) responsible is that this is a boy, somewhere in his teens or early twenties. Why? Probably because I watch far too many crime dramas on television, but also because I've been out there on boards, watching and reading. The fastest way to get the shit-pot stirred is to let a bored thirteen year old boy loose with a computer and an internet connection. I've also been to college, where bored, immature boys abound, only now they have their own apartments or dorm rooms to hide in while they make these absurd posts.

My question is: where are the parents?

First and foremost: why didn't they raise their child with enough morality to feel too guilty to even think about such posts, much less actually committing them to written form? I've thought about quite rudely telling someone what a waste of space they were for no other reason than they wrote something that pissed me off, but I've never actually done it because that's just insane, immature and stupid. I'd feel guilty about being such a twit. Why? Well, that would be due to the fact that my parents taught me that you don't attack people for no good reason: verbally, physically, or emotionally.

Secondly, if they did try to raise their child with some sense of morality, why didn't they notice that it didn't take? Seriously. At some point, someone that disturbed had to be pulling the wings off of flies, shaving the neighbor's cat, pushing smaller kids off their bicycles, or punching their sister. I know that parents can't be omnipotent gods in their child's world, I have three children of my own to teach me that, but there are signs, indicators, that should tell you something is not quite getting through to that child.

Finally, if they did notice, why didn't they do something? Again, parent's can't be over the shoulders of their children 24/7, but if there was an indication that their child was even having thoughts or inclinations in the general direction of where the posts about Kathy have gone, why didn't the parents discuss it/take away the computer/send him to a therapist?

Ten to one, when the police investigation is over and all of this breaks, the offender(s) will be some white middle-class suburban sixteen year-old numbnut who was getting a huge laugh out of it with his dumbass buddies right up until the cops showed up on his doorstep and his clueless parents will be standing on the lawn weeping and wringing their hands crying "But he was such a GOOD boy!"

Here's my list of parental "TO DO" list:
1) teach your children to respect themselves
2) teach your children to respect others
3) teach your children to respect property, theirs or someone else's
4) teach your children responsibility for their actions
5) teach your children that it is not bad to fail, only to never try or never try again
6) TAKE SOME FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR NOT TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN THESE THINGS
7) be INVOLVED in your children's lives

<rant>

Personally, if I catch one of my children committing an act of disrespect, and I know that I've taught them otherwise, I WILL be handing out a whipping. Scream abuse all you want, but I've never met a kid who didn't understand and fear the gravity of a good old fashioned "cut me a switch" ass whipping. I've also never met a kid who received one of these whippings that ever repeated the offending act. Screw "time-out". "Time-out" + willful child + parent too scared to whip = "Go ahead. Tell my mommy, she won't do nothing!" Now, that doesn't mean skip "time-out". Try it, if it works, congratulations, use it as long as it works. When/If it fails to produce results, whip that ass.

Then there's also the fact that my kids are going to hate me for "invading their privacy" and "ruining their life". Privacy is for the bathroom until I know I can trust you with your own decisions. If I can trust my kids at the age of 8, then wonderful! I'll be letting them do some things on their own. If can't trust my kids until they're 42, then I'll be up their ass with my nose square in their business until then. Regardless of either situation, I WILL be monitoring what they do on and offline to the best of my ability.

Parents need to quit being scared of their kids, and they need to quit looking for someone else to blame when either party fucks up. THEY ARE THE KID, YOU ARE THE PARENT! FUCKING ACT LIKE IT!

</rant>