Guest Blog: The BP Oil Disaster and "Whiners"

Today's blog comes from my friend, Chris B., and directly addresses how many feel every single time something happens in Louisiana.

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An open letter to all people who believe that Louisiana is just a bunch of whiners:

Show this to all your "we dont need oil" buddies. I have been saying similar things for years. Garland has compiled a list of petroleum based products that we require for the life we lead. It is over 60,000 products, and growing.

Politically, we are being thrown under the bus. It is time for the administration to stop working for BP, and start working for us. Get busy Obama, 4.5 million people are waiting on you to act. You have been here since day 1, and all you have given us is words. It is time to act. The other 300 million people of America need it, even though they dont realize that they rely upon us for their seafood, energy, and environmental needs.

Without Louisiana, 30% of the nation's energy needs would go unmet, yet we are kept to only 7.5% of oil royalties while the other domestic oil producers get 50%, and people wonder why Louisiana has a budget shortfall. Tell Texas to give up 46.5% of its oil revenues and see how fast the calls for impeachment or secession come in.

Mr. President you have the opportunity for greatness, and you are relegating yourself to a scandal laden term from which I hope you are not re-elected. Do something, make us believe the words that you speak, give us some action. Help the people of Louisiana believe in you instead of playing partisan politics. The governor of our fine state asked for your help, and you and your people would not even allow him to accompany you on your photo-op tour of our disaster.

Get off of your hands and let the best and brightest (even if it is Haliburton!) go to work to stop the leak instead of waiting for BP come up with more ideas that don't work and leaving us to wait another week for them to try something else. The cost of this operation is actually less if they let it leak without cleanup until the leak stops, and you won't tell this foreign company that while in our territorial waters, they need to follow the laws of our industrial governing bodies: have the other plans ready to work in advance and get working, don't wait a week and then try something else.

Kill it. Kill it now.

Day Four

Project cancelled. The person I was doing it for doesn't give a damn anyway, so why should I?

Day Three

the 4-5ish hours: kittehs decide NOW is the time to swing from the rafters.

6:15am Alarm. Yay. Snooze.

6:24am Alarm. Snooze.

6:33am Alarm. Tell Frog to get dressed. Get distracted by muted infomercial, try to figure out what they're selling.

6:50am Cell phone alarm. Figure out infomercial (still muted) fascination has to do with zombie mode, flick off TV.

6:58am Check email/Facebook/Twitter.

7:23am Realize trip to lala land, scramble for clothes, breakfast. Lamb objects to the entire world.

7:36am Naked on bathroom floor, Lamb still refuses to dress. Dress Lamb.

7:51am Get perturbed at children still eating at 9 minutes to school start.

8:10am Sign Frog in, talk to lunch lady about paying lunch account online.

8:27am Drop Duck and Lamb at daycare. Discuss frayed sanity and DH's return date with caretaker.

9:13am Home. Consider activity choices, settle on notebook transcription, muse over previous thought of completing in single evening.

9:35am Census taker on doorstep. Answer questions.

9:50am Facebook/Twitter/email

10:08am Symphony of Science - We Are All Connected.

10:22am Hear mail truck approach. Load Glee on Hulu before another asshole posts another spoiler. NPH on Glee. Wonder if there'll be a Dr. Horrible homage.

10:48am DUDE THAT WAS AWESOME!!!

11:10am Glee finished. Curse bastard writers for making me misty. Check mail.

11:35am Mail expected still not in box. Check voicemail. Laugh/cringe at #tekx drunk dials. Consider a nice afternoon wallow before the kids get home.

11:42am Twitter/Facebook. Suggest a few bitches remove the sandcastles from their vaginas. Get no love. Marvel at all the whiny people with entitlement issues, spit venom at the assholes widening the divide.

11:48am Return to notebook transcription while pondering INQUIRY and PURSUIT plot issues. Remember having blog post idea, forget subject matter.

11:57am Interrupted by bitchy dog passive aggressively whining under his breath across the room. Watch him meerkat a few times, take dog out.

12:04pm Toss bills on household/computer desk, trudge back to writing desk, navel gaze over state of housework. Remember blog post subject matter, make notes, abandon for now.

12:09pm Return to notebook transcription.

12:35pm [redacted]

1:02pm Break time. Glimpse Fail Whale.

1:07pm [redacted]

2:04pm Give up on [redacted] since it is pissing off kitteh overlords. Considering notebook time, pout over hour being too late to go elsewhere.

2:06pm Twitter check. Decide that if DH kissed [redacted]'s ass any harder, he'd be giving a rimjob.

2:17pm Curse Sirius for "Jenny From The Block" earworm.

2:20pm Return to notebook. Listen to kittehs complain that windowsill is blocked.

2:35pm Get irritated with latest tweet, text rimjob thought to DH. Feel vindicated, know he won't get it.

2:50pm Make note to watch clock. Take break.

3:00pm Deal with [redacted], decide result is good. Curse at bout of hiccups.

3:06pm Frog's bus arrives. Neither sticker nor number, reminder: Splish Splash Day.

3:20pm Return to notebook.

4:01pm Break. Envy kitteh napping on bed.

4:12pm Return to notebook.

4:28pm Notebook transcription finished, OCD tendencies sufficiently stroked to move on writing. Contemplate playlist for INQUIRY/PURSUIT progress.

4:37pm Leave to pick up Duck and Lamb. Curb trash can on way out.

5:43pm Home. Frog, Duck, and Lamb fight over supper choices.

5:49pm Scrawl plot notes for PURSUIT before they're forgotten. Hope any future readers have a boatload of suspension for their disbelief.

6:15pm Lay the smack down on yesterday's troll, bombard with links to reputable news organizations supporting facts, tear apart straw man arguments.

6:25pm Take fruit snacks away from Lamb. Pretty sure than in ensuing crying rant he says mommy will leave him out to be eaten by zombies. Seriously consider calling babysitter and getting out for a few hours.

6:34pm Supper on table. Attempt to eat last of Crawfish Pasta, not really hungry.

7:13pm Supper finished, bedtime started.

7:16pm Invite @ramsey to beat up internet trolls with me.

7:48pm Baths bathed, vitamins taken, teeth brushed, songs sung, kisses kissed, hugs hugged, all heads in bed.

8:00pm ALL NEW MYTHBUSTERS! Waterslide Wipe-Out!

9:01pm Check to make sure Frog, Duck, and Lamb are asleep. Duck and Lamb awake and making trouble.

9:22pm Load V on Hulu. Cuddle with kittehs.

10:13pm Duck and Lamb finally asleep. Still no call from DH. Start to wonder if it's worth doing any damn thing for him anymore.

10:18pm Take dog out, make hot tea, scarf far too many cookies, head to bed.

Day Two

2:34am Awakened by text from bank. Draft from DH's hotel exceeds pre-set limit, exceeds expectations >$100. LIVID.

3:52am Awakened by kitteh making a toy of the shades, throw remote.

5:07am Awakened by both kittehs with zoomies. Trip one kitteh as she zooms across bed.

8:23am Wake, realize alarm was overslept by more than two hours, panic.

8:59am Load kids in van, check Frog into school. Everyone in office knows Frog, ask just how often she's in that office, get non-committal answers.

9:13am Sit down to start sifting bills, paperwork, budget.

9:38am Nearly fall asleep on keyboard.

9:40am Take break, referee fight over toy.

10:02am Return to bills, paperwork, budget. Feel ulcer forming.

10:09am Get into flame war with random troll to ease stress. Enjoy pounding it in the face with facts and profanities.

10:11am Bored with troll, contemplate hunting up new prey. Return to bills, paperwork, budget.

11:04am Take dog out, check mail. Mail, but not what was wanted. Chuck bill on desk, return to computer.

11:17am Finish screwing around Facebook/Twitter. Return to bills, paperwork, budget.

11:32am Nearly fall asleep on keyboard, take break.

11:41am Return to bills, paperwork, budget.

12:14pm Referee TV fight. Ask lunch preferences. Attempt to referee lunch fight. Leave Duck and Lamb to work it out.

12:56pm Serve leftover pizza.

1:23pm Indulge in leftover Crawfish Pasta.

1:46pm Declare the official end to lunch before Duck and Lamb can eat every granola bar and fruit snack in the house.

1:52pm Finally get Duck and Lamb away from table, begin clean up. Load dishwasher, remember wash load from last night. Check load, discover sour smell. Restart load.

2:10pm Remove Lamb from bathroom sink. Give in to cries that clothes are too wet to wear.

2:12pm Hear bed move, check. Duck attempts to make Frog's messy bed. Praise Duck, notice urine smell, make note to wash Frog's bedding. Check hamper: Frog's wet PJs. Decide Frog will go back to Pull-Ups for bed.

2:20pm Catch up on a few strips of Penny Arcade. Return to bills, paperwork, budget.

2:30pm Recognize buzzing between eyes as imminent head aspolde, load up last night's Castle on Hulu.

2:47pm Excessive crying from Frog's room. Investigate, find Duck with head stuck under dresser. Calm Duck, lift dresser. Lamb demands band-aid for invisible boo-boo.

3:10pm Pass on Yuma, head to porch. Frog's bus has already passed. Sticker, more ads for summer camps/clubs.

3:18pm Resume Castle episode.

3:47pm CASTLE, YOU'RE AN IDIOT! Consider supper, regret mentioning judo to Frog. Bemoan the prospect of being around people. Piddle around kitchen wondering if there's a way out.

4:18pm Tweet from local television station: "A SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WARNING for CENTRAL VERMILION PARISH til 4:45p...Hail and gusty winds possible. Activity is moving east-northeastward." Consider cancelling on judo in case weather turns. Notify Frog if it storms bad, no go.

4:20pm Radar seems to indicate storms hugging Hwy 14, no danger to us. Keep an eye on it.

4:25pm Despite bright sunshine, thunder shakes the house.

4:31pm Talk to Frog about the possible bad weather again, start supper.

4:33pm DH calls. Take call on porch, eyeball storms to south, watch neighbor attempt to put infant on roof of truck.

4:57pm Tweet about lamebook post. Check on supper.

5:18pm Supper on table, officially running late for judo in 12 minutes.

5:20pm Check TweetDeck, TweetPsych myself

5:35pm Five minutes behind to judo. Load Frog, Duck, and Lamb into van.

6:00pm Judo. Frog practices Kesa Gatame escapes, Duck and Lamb race for an hour. Have distinct feeling dad beside is tweeting my OHs.

7:30pm Home. Bedtime battle.

8:20pm Vitamins taken, teeth brushed, songs sung, hugs hugged, kisses kissed, lights out. Too bad it's twenty minutes after the start of the new Deadliest Catch.

9:00pm Put bacon on to cook. Continue notebook transcription.

9:18pm Remove bacon from oven. Wait for cooling. Load House on Hulu.

9:45pm Visitor!

12:02am Visit over, return to House, snuggle into bed.

Day One

Years ago, I actually wrote in this blog. Interesting things, things that weren't random non-sequiturs. This week, I try again starting with the same format as three years ago: a day by day, blow by blow account of being home alone with my three children.

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7:00am Awakened by DH fussing with luggage, note apparent belief that luggage has T.A.R.D.I.S. properties. Smell biscuits for breakfast, roll over, continue trying to not be pissed over coming week's absence.

7:30am Awakened again. Grumble, check twitter, get dressed, listen to Frog, Duck, and Lamb fight over something. Scarf biscuit, wish for coffee.

7:45am Load DH, Frog, Duck, and Lamb in van, drop Frog at school. Lamb repeats emphatic "cunt" aimed at other parent's vehicle. Cringe.

8:00am Gas stop. Pumps full, in line, spew choice words at douchebag taking five years to gas rusted out Caprice. Lamb repeats. Cringe.

8:15am At store far earlier than expected, send DH to retrieve items. Listen to Duck and Lamb explain about scary ghosts and banana peels.

8:30am DH returns, informs that store did not have FAA approved personal care product. Curse. Drive to other store, grab stupid freaking FAA approved size. Curse stupid FAA.

8:40am Realize it's twenty minutes prior to open for optometrist, park in shade, Kill time by repacking DH's bag in a manner that does not require pressure relief valves. Realize only five minutes killed. Drive back to optometrist, open early, wait on spare contacts.

8:50am Head for airport, take long scenic route towards DH's 11am flight.

9:25am Take DH, Duck, and Lamb into airport. Duck strikes up conversation with random stranger about Blue's Clues. RS uninterested, but not perturbed. Remind Duck not everyone watches Blue's Clues. Duck's not buying it. Lamb comments on everyone's luggage.

9:30am Wonder what's taking DH so long to check in. Help beat Self-Service Check-In into submission. Wonder if Self-Service refers to masturbation: just as helpful in getting onto planes.

9:35am Duck and Lamb demand the potty. DH takes them, think about how many hand-washings they'll need before touching food. Shudder.

9:45am Proceed upstairs, get Duck and Lamb interested in TV showing flight icons. Listen to AA call passenger with a middle eastern name to the counter. Notice passenger already passed security, wonder if that's a bad thing, fail at not being a bigot. Notice passenger is on DH's flight, fail at not being a worried bigot.

10:00am Herd Duck and Lamb back to van, notice short term ticket at 26 minutes, haul ass for exit, get stuck behind asshat creeping up to only open booth. Pay $1.00 for 31 minutes, fling choice words at windshield. Cringe as Lamb repeats.

10:05am Red light, Duck and Lamb yell "GO". Explain the ill-advised nature of such. Duck and Lamb aren't buying it. Green light, proceed, Lamb yells "WAIT! We have to get Daddy!", explain Daddy's gone all week. Lamb isn't buying it.

10:35am Lagneaux's: pick up Meatball Stew and Shrimp Pasta Sauce. Discuss #BPOilDisaster, oil on shrimp in Terrebone Parish, and next batch of Shrimp Pasta Sauce price hike. Silently decide to stock up on Crawfish Pasta Sauce before season ends.

10:55am Usher Duck and Lamb into house. Duck and Lamb immediately fight over TV, point out more than one TV. Neither cares, fight continues. Give up and leave them to work it out.

11:15am Twitter/Facebook, note that DH has boarded for DFW. Contemplate house chores. Wallow instead, attempt to watch the fifteen minutes of Mythbuster Duct Tape Special 2 missed the night before.

11:17am Duck complains for water. Get water, attempt to watch Mythbusters.

11:20am Lamb announces need to potty, stands in door staring until told to go potty. Attempt to watch Mythbusters.

11:23am Kitteh decides that is quite enough television, attempts to lay down in front of screen. Shoo kitteh, attempt to watch Mythbusters.

11:25am Kitteh executes another screen assault. Thwarted. Attempt to watch Mythbusters, notice whopping 1 minute and 45 seconds of progress.

11:29am Twice foiled, kitteh interrupts program with loud vocals. Shoo kitteh, attempt to watch Mythbusters.

11:42am Successfully complete Mythbusters, notice clock. Contemplate lunch.

11:45am Prep chicken and corn lunch offering, take dog out, check mail. No mail.

11:55am Serve lunch. Stifle complaints re: corn not carrots. Make iced tea.

1:20pm Decide enough time allotted to lunch, clean up. Lamb objects. Point out that feeding dog corn is not eating. Lamb's not buying it.

1:30pm Post Facebook status about day by day posts from three years ago. DH remarks on liking them. Begin same style post/mini-project.

1:35pm Strip bed, wash comforter, change sheets. Return to post.

1:53pm Realize day is tasty like paint chips, debate deletion, debate writing. Resign that post is writing, trudge forward.

2:16pm Re-read old posts, get picky about new posts, edit for old style/voice.

2:37pm Remove copious amounts of cat hair from chair with packing tape. Contemplate leaving tape as chair covering. Decide against. Shoot kittehs dirty looks.

2:42pm Move comforter to dryer, put sheets in wash.

2:54pm Contemplate snack, refill tea, make note to watch clock.

3:10pm Go to porch as Frog's bus arrives, check bookbag. Sticker, two notes, toy from home.

3:12pm Note that Duck and Lamb are too quiet, peek in room. Duck and Lamb asleep. Return to post. Wonder when I got boring.

3:15pm Rearrange comforter, start new dryer cycle.

3:32pm Run out of convenient distractions, face up to empty page in notebook.

3:36pm Notice scratching sound and muted mewling. Rescue kitteh from closet prison. Wonder how she got in there. Check Twitter/Facebook.

3:43pm Return to notebook.

4:17pm Post two new pieces to FFF, muster courage to submit one of the three posted for publication, fail to keep courage. Return to notebook.

4:23pm Refill tea, note Duck and Lamb are still asleep, try to convince Frog to clean her room. Frog's not buying it. Return to notebook.

4:50pm Randomly tag things on FourSquare. Bite bullet, return to notebook.

5:00 Duck awakens. Wonder how long to let Lamb sleep before starting supper. Realize Frog may wake Lamb soon anyway.

5:34pm Lamb is awake and complaining. Complete submission of flash fiction piece for publication, feel nauseous about it being out in the wild. Decide nausea may be due to hunger, start supper.

6:03pm Still working on supper. Frog, Duck, and Lamb proceed to swing from rafters. Check on dryer progress. Get into Twitter conversation with local celebrity.

6:07pm Put comforter on bed. Realize Rice Crispie looking bits on bed keep coming from kittehs. Wonder what that's about. Put sheets in dryer.

6:47pm Supper finished, cupcakes eaten. Dawns that DH isn't here to load the dishwasher. Curse, repeatedly. Check Twitter, become convinced local celebrity is now throughly freaked out. Accept being a weirdo.

6:52pm Start baths. Think about giving stinky dog bath.

7:28pm Baths finished, vitamins taken, teeth brushed, songs sung, hugs hugged, kisses kissed. Duck and Lamb actually agree on TV. Tuck Frog in, see a commercial for Cajun Heartland, feel old.

7:29pm Load washer with kids' clothes. Eyeball dishwasher, put off loading. Stare at blank page.

7:50pm End a bout of bed jumping, eyeball dishwasher again, put off loading again. Debate staring at blank page again. Review and clear Tweetdeck instead.

7:55pm Take dog out, return texts.

8:05pm Set morning alarm, decide to bathe stinky dog.

8:17pm Stinky dog is now known as Cherry Vanilla dog. Kitteh is nearly known as RUG after finding tea soaked notebook. Her luck holds in no dead trees harmed in tea flood. Resolve to spend rest of evening transcribing notebook.

8:52pm Two pages transcribed. Lamb gripes for Blue's Clues, request denied, bedtime.

9:03pm More fighting about who should be in bed. Break time.

9:14pm Bedtime battles continue, spankings ensue. The Wailing Wall knocks on the door with a Cease and Desist.

9:17pm Someone decides to vent by banging on wall with toy. More spankings. Worried monument may really sue.

9:43pm Duck and Lamb finally sleeping. Still no text or call from DH. Facebook/Twitter does not count.

10:37pm No reply from DH. Throughly pissed. Consider screaming. Realize Frog, Duck, and Lamb would wake. Throw shit instead. Do not feel unreasonable for expecting communication in a four and half hour period. Return to notebook.

11:15pm Retard Report

12:14am Hang up, build nest, fire up Netflix. No text, no call. Pissed.

The braindeads over at Blogger have arbitrarily decided to nix FTP blogs. My new blog URL is http://wlturland.blogspot.com.

Thanks, fuckers.

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